The Two Faces of Generosity
Have you ever poured your time, energy, or attention into someone only to feel drained rather than fulfilled?
Have you ever found that an act of giving—meant to foster connection—left you feeling isolated instead? That’s because not all giving is the same. Some forms of giving energize us, while others slowly deplete us. The difference? It all comes down to where the giving comes from—abundance or lack.
This issue has been on my mind lately after a few conversations with friends struggling with their careers, which made me reflect on my own choices—how I ended up doing work that fuels me instead of draining me. I didn’t just fall into it. I made a choice. A choice to do something that fills my cup, not empties it. My hope is that others take the same approach when deciding their path.
For me, Krav Maga is more than a profession or a fighting style—it’s my way of giving back. Every time a student discovers their strength, hone their skills, or overcome a fear, I see a transformation. And through that transformation, I’m reminded that real fulfillment comes from giving in a way that strengthens both the giver and the receiver. But not all giving does that.
Some forms of giving fill us up. Others drain us. The difference? It’s where the giving comes from.
Give from abundance, and you grow. Give from depletion, and you will burn out.
What Is Deficit-Based Giving?
Deficit-based giving comes from a place of scarcity, from a subconscious belief that we must earn love, validation, or worthiness through what we offer others. It’s giving that carries an invisible price tag—an unspoken expectation of appreciation, recognition, or reciprocity.
When we give from this mindset, it’s not really about the other person—it’s about filling a void within ourselves. And when our efforts aren’t met with the validation we hoped for, we don’t feel fulfilled—we feel resentful. Instead of strengthening our connections, deficit-based giving can push people further away.
This kind of giving is often accompanied by thoughts like:
If I give more, they’ll finally appreciate me.
If I keep showing up, maybe they’ll see my worth.
Why do I give so much and get nothing in return?
The result? A cycle of exhaustion, disappointment, and emotional depletion.
What Is Abundance-Based Giving?
Abundance-based giving, on the other hand, comes from a place of wholeness. It’s the kind of giving that flows naturally because it’s not seeking anything in return.
It’s like a river—moving effortlessly, enriching everything in its path, but never demanding anything back. It’s giving that stems from the belief: “I don’t need approval, I give because I choose to, not because I feel I have to.”
When we give from abundance, it doesn’t leave us feeling empty. In fact, it does the opposite—it fuels us. Why? Because it’s rooted in self-worth; “I am worthy of love.”
This kind of giving is accompanied by thoughts like:
I give because it feels good, not because I need a response.
My generosity is an extension of who I am, not a means to an end.
I am not keeping score—I give freely, and I am also worthy of receiving.
Abundance-based giving doesn’t mean we give endlessly without boundaries. It means we give with clarity and intention—from a place of fullness, not depletion.
The Hidden Cost of Never Receiving.
Many of us are wired to believe that giving is noble, but receiving is a sign of weakness. The truth? You can’t give from an empty cup. Strength isn’t just about giving—it’s about knowing when to receive so you don’t burn out before you even get where you’re going.
I get it—being a giver feels better. There’s a Hebrew blessing I love: “May you always be on the giving side and not the receiving side.” It sounds noble, but in reality, refusing to receive doesn’t make us stronger. It disrupts the natural cycle of generosity. Giving and receiving aren’t opposites; they’re two sides of the same coin.
Think about it: If everyone only wanted to give, who would be left to receive? When we deny others the opportunity to give to us, we rob them of the same joy and fulfillment we feel when we give.
Receiving with grace is just as important as giving with generosity. It completes the cycle. It keeps relationships balanced. And most importantly, it reinforces the truth that we are worthy of being given to—just as much as we are worthy of giving.
A Simple Question to Ask Yourself
Next time you find yourself giving—whether it’s your time, energy, or attention—pause for a moment and ask yourself:
1. Am I giving from a sense of abundance or from a void that seeks to be filled?
2. Am I giving because I want to or because I feel I have to?
3. Am I open to receiving, just as I am to giving?
The answers to these questions can be revealing. If your giving is tied to expectation, obligation, or a need for validation, it might be time to step back and realign.
True generosity isn’t about how much we give—it’s about how we give.
When we shift from deficit-based giving to abundance-based giving, our relationships change, our energy shifts, and we find ourselves in a place of true connection—not just with others, but with ourselves.
Do something amazing,
Tsahi Shemesh
Founder & CEO
Krav Maga Experts